Why?

I am far from deeply religious and ANYONE who knows me knows this tidbit.  I do, however, believe that everything happens for a reason.  Everyone *happens* in our lives for a purpose.  I often question the purpose of some.  I have met many amazing people since moving to TN.  TN is so different than anywhere else I ever lived.  I grew up in NY and lived in FL for 8 years before moving here.  TN is a mix of Southern Charm and a major step back in time - pre-civil rights.  I swear I still flinch at the things that come out of peoples mouths in public places.

I have met people from ALL walks of life, all religious backgrounds and all races.  Having my own little melting pot, reminds me of home.

Just in the last month, several close friends and several new friends have been or have children who have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  Just two short years ago, when I was diagnosed, I had never so much as even heard of it.  A year later, my little girl was diagnosed, still knew NO ONE with the disease - or even a close understanding to what it is and how deadly it can be if not taken seriously.

I had attended a couple of support groups when I first moved here and decided they weren't so supportive... After two years, I formed my own.

As exhausting as all of this is - on top of living with very real, very current health issues, I am so very touched to be able to offer even the slightest bit of insight into what Celiac is and how to live a *normal* life with it.

For a long while now I have been feeling like I had no other purpose other than cooking, cleaning, taxiing, well, you get the picture.  Going back to work in a field completely foreign to what I spent my entire career doing, was unexpectedly rewarding!  This new chapter of educating and lending good ole' fashion moral support to those in need, even though it takes up more time than I have to spare, is by far the most rewarding feat I have accomplished (since giving birth to my children).

I often wonder why I am so drawn to helping others.  My husband always gets frustrated with me about how much I take on - and how I try to be *Mother Theresa* and solve world problems.  I have been thinking about this lately and the only thing I can come up with is that it gives me pure joy.  Knowing I helped someone in some minuscule way, without anything in return.. just makes me happy.

Nothing wrong with being happy!

Vacation time

Flashback to one year ago…..

While most people are filled with the overwhelming excitement and anticipation of going on vacation, I am filled with mostly dread.  The thought of how many weeks it will take for the gluten poisoning to leave my body is almost more than I can handle.  Last summer we spent a week in BFE - North Carolina.  We were an hour from civilization and a lifetime away from anything remotely healthy, let alone, gluten free.  While the scenery was beautiful and the excursions were fabulous and memorable - the entire trip was overshadowed with thoughts of *oh great, what am I am going to eat here and will I end up dying in pain from this meal too?!*.  There was a supermarket and I was able to purchase some gf items, but since we were out all day, every day (Dollywood, white water rafting, etc.), it was almost impossible to bring the cooler with us and it was not allowed in the water parks.  I ate almost nothing, and was miserably hungry for most of the 120 degree day - heat filled trip.  Heat plus hunger = bitch, by the way.  It was only made worse by the fact that our mountain house that we rented had no air conditioning.  It was not broken, there was NONE?!?!?!?  Who would have thought to ask – and it was the mountains – it never gets that hot.  We hit the mother-load of heat waves that summer… Lucky us!

We did hit one of the *fancier* steak houses in town, and I use the word *fancier*, loosely.  After explaining what gluten was (and no, it is not sugar you ignorant waiter) - I ordered a steak, baked potato and garden salad with no croutons and no dressing.  Of course, I already felt sick from four days of trying to eat gluten free in gluten filled mess halls (not really, but that was the ambiance of the restaurants).  A few nights later, I decided I needed more than just a Trio bar and a MIX-1 shake - and we had steak at the *fancy* place again.  This time, after tasting the steak, I called the waitress over and told her it was really salty and wanted to know what was on it (I had also given her the gluten lesson prior to ordering).  She proudly proclaimed it was the BEST MARINADE in town.... she rattled off the ingredients and of course, SOY SAUCE was #1.  I began to cry.  I did not eat dinner that night.  I did not even bother to try and scream and fuss at her for what she had done to me - and not listened to what I had told her... I was defeated and did not care to explain myself one more single time that week. Actually, at that point I just wanted to run home and hide away from the non-gluten free society I now had to try and fit into.

It took me almost 9 weeks to recover from that vacation.  The gluten poisoning fallout seemed endless.

Today….

THIS VACATION is going to be different.  We are travelling with dear friends, and my girlfriend and one of her 3 children just happen to be in the beginning stages of a GF/SF/CF lifestyle change.  I can’t say I am happy for them, but I am sure happy she has someone to help guide her through this!  We are staying in a metropolitan (and populated with humans and not deer and bear) area.  We are making sure ahead of time of all of our dining options and calling ahead to double check.  I am exhausted from the pre-planning, but I know it will make the trip so much more enjoyable!   

I have done MAJOR research and even purchased some digestive enzymes that are supposed to help with accidental cross contamination from eating out (http://www.enzymedica.com/products/GlutenEase). 

I plan on popping those babies before EVERY meal, and maybe in between.

We are heading to St. Louis (my most favorite get-a-way.   So close of a drive and so much to do!)  We have MAJOR fun planned.  I have scoured the internet and I think we have planned each activity around where we can get a decent gluten free meal!  Hey –you gotta do what you gotta do! ;-)

The best part of this experience will be that I am now 2 years post diagnosis, and armed with so much more than a Trio bar, MIX-1 shake, and fruit snacks.  I know that questions to ask, how to inform people without making them want to spit in my food behind the kitchen door and more importantly – how not to feel like the world will come to an end if I go away from my safe zone (a/k/a – my kitchen).  I know there is going to be some form of gluten poisoning… so I am prepared with all of my potions and pills now.  It won’t cure me – or prevent it, but I am hopeful that it will lessen the effects and allow me to enjoy my vacation thoroughly.

It has been a year since we have ventured away from home as a family (save an overnight trip for a dance competition that Gabby was in).  I am eternally optimistic that as new light is shed on not just Celiac Disease, but Gluten and other food Intolerance, that more and more restaurants and grocery stores will accommodate the millions who suffer. 

So, here is to St. Louis 2011 with the Sandlins!  May we have our first of many amazing, memory filled trips, with as few bathroom breaks as possible and no sore tummies!!!  

Digestive Enzymes and Probiotics

I honestly am having a moment.  I feel like no matter how freaking hard I try  - this Celiac Disease has one up on me :(

I have given in and now I am trying probiotics and Digestive Enzymes.  Anything remotely starchy makes my stomach swell and so does Gabby's.  I purchased the kid version of what I am taking, and she is fine with the digestive enzymes, as they dissolve in juice and make it effervescent.  She despises the chewable probiotics but likes the papaya enzymes chewable.  Looking for another version of the probiotics for her.  She is a trooper.  

I am in a seriously foul mood and despite being 100000% gluten free - feel like for every step I take, I fall back 6.  I had a pity party for myself today and thought horrible thoughts about the 10,000,000 doctors I have been treated by for over 3 decades - and not a one diagnosed this.  Stupid medical profession.

I am eternally optimistic tat I will get to the bottom of what will fix what ails me... I sure don't feel confident in the medical profession at this moment in time.

OK - pity party is over.

BREAD RECIPE SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided to make up my own recipe tonight... Why??? No idea.. I get in these moods..

It came out wildly successful and I am to the moon excited!

I call this Jill's Bread Recipe - Take 1.  I am sure there were previous recipes that I improvised... and there will be other recipes... I just happened to actually write this one down as I made it - so it get's the special label! :-)

It tastes as yummy as it looks!

I made rolls to go with it - since I made this a double batch...

Have not cut into those yet.. but I am sure they are equally delish!

Below is my recipe:

JILL’S BREAD RECIPE – Take 1

1 Cup Almond Flour

1 Cup Lima Bean Flour

1 Cup Expandex

¾ Cup Chickpea Flour

1 tbsp.  Xanthum Gum

1 ½ teaspoons salt

2 ¼ teaspoons dry active yeast

1 teaspoon roasted coriander (use any seasoning)

3 tbsps. Grapeseed oil (use olive, canola)

3 tbsps. Honey

1 ½ cups warm/hot water  (added an extra ¼ cup when putting wet ingredients together)

1 teaspoon sugar

Activate Yeast in separate glass measuring cup with the WATER and SUGAR.  Dissolve sugar in water and then mix in yeast.  While this is activating…

Mix ALL dry ingredients in a large bowl with a whisk – so it is all evenly distributed.

Lightly beat eggs, oils and honey and after about 10 of yeast proofing (you will see it double in volume and be foamy) add yeast into mixer with wet ingredients.  Slowly add dry ingredients and  mix on medium for about 5 minutes. 

I lined a loaf pan with parchment paper and spooned in the batter. 

I pre-heated the oven to 200 and then when it was set – I turned it off (I did this before the above steps).

I put the filled loaf pan in the OFF oven for 1 hour, to rise.  About 10 minutes prior to the hour – I took it out and heated the oven to 350.

I baked the bread for 1 hour (give or take a few minutes depending on the oven.  I covered it half way through with a tented piece of foil – so it did not get too dark!

I made a double batch and spooned the other half into muffin top tins.  I baked for about 30 minutes…

NOTE TO SELF:  MUST GREASE THE NON-STICK MUFFIN TOP TINS - Apparently, the non-stick does not apply to sticking :-P

My FEET hurt but the bellies are full!

I tried Almond flour (my homemade ground almonds... nothing more - but delicious all the same) and flax seed meal version of the One-Minute Bread from Glutenfree Poodle.   I added garlic and cajun seasoning and my kids BEGGED for grilled cheese on this for lunch!  Another successful venture... I could not get a picture - they tore into it before I had a chance...

I DID get a picture of the Chocolate Chip Almond Meal Cookies - no butter and no eggs.... they were amazing!  Gabby was so impressed she offered them up to the neighbors at our 4th of July fireworks... She was so pleased everyone liked them!  Not one person could believe they were flourless, butterless AND healthy!!

The Almond flour pancakes were a hit with hubby and daughter... little guy - eh - not so much... there was EXTRA syrup drowning going on.... 

Before all of this there was the Chocolate Velvet Torte Birthday cake.... OMG - it was like chocolate mousse - but in cake form..... it did not last long at alll!  

Let us not forget the rolls that are perfect for lunch sandwiches .... Yummm!

And last, but not least, the Almond Flour Rosemary/Garlic Crackers..... I think I am in love.... I now need a goat, chickens and a rosemary bush!

I am not a photographer or food stylist.... I throw things right into my trusty Tupperware (when it even lasts that long... but I love that my family has homemade wholesome goodies and they are enjoying them.

I have spent more hours in my kitchen this month than I have in - well - ever.  I always made homemade meals, fixed appetizers for BBQs, etc... this is a whole new level of Martha freaking Stewart for me... I am learning what I like, how to mix, blend and tweak recipes and mainly enjoying the smiles on the family's face... not to much protesting about no more gluten in the house.  I do, however, need a serious massage and some kind of stool that I can sit on in the kitchen - my FEET HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please Find My Sanity

I feel even more overwhelmed than I have in some time.  It might have to do with the fact that I am constantly preparing new recipes that are made from scratch and gluten free OR because my once sweet daughter is acting like a rebellious, hateful teenager at 8.  Not sure - but she is working on my last nerve.  I know parents are supposed to ooooww and ahhhh and gush about their kids all of the time - but that is SO FAKE.  We live in the real world in my house and it is not always a bed of roses.  My kids torture each other until I have to flip out.... my husband forgets to take the trash out or help around the house - unless I flip out... and then they all look at me and want to know why I am flipping out.  Well - UM - figure it out.

I know that once the kids are back in school, I can prepare my baking/cooking and work schedule around their activities and school hours.  It is just really hard to juggle things in the summer.  I just am tired of apologizing for cooking/baking fresh meals and having to work (I REALLY try and get it done on off hours) while they want to do something else.  

It does not help that my 8 year old has lost her flipping mind this summer and her behavior is wayyyy out of control.  We do not hit our children, but sometimes I wonder if one good whopping would not cure her of her smart mouth and shitty attitude... Probably not.  She is too stubborn.  

I do not enjoy this part of parenting.  The part where you do everything except breath for your children - and they act like you are the worst parent and never pay them attention...  I know it will only get worse as they get older - but wasn't I supposed to get a moment in time where she was sweet and cuddly and sincere?  My son has his moments, but he is the polar opposite of her.

I may go and look for a shred or two of my sanity in a nice bottle of Chardonnay this evening... 

p.s. - have I mentioned how exhausting being healthy and making (almost) everything from scratch, is? :-P

p.p.s - I lost 22 lbs.  Yeah me...

20 lbs. GONE!

I finally reached the 20lb. loss mark on this diet.  I am frustrated, excited, and so damn tired of it already.  I had a moment last night where my cravings for anything fattening or junky took over ... and instead of indulging it - I opened a bag of Salsa Brown Rice Chips and SMELLED the damn chips.  How pathetic is that?  I did not eat even one morsel.  I quickly closed the bag, grabbed some Tylenol for my headache and laid down with an icepack.  Pathetic.. I know.  I was down a pound and a half this morning, after a 6 day stall.  I am sure I do not have to tell you how frustrating it is to eat almost infantile portions of food for 6 days and not lose a flippin ounce!

I have a book club/going away party on Sunday at my house.  I plan on making lemon bars, chocolate covered coconut macaroons and possible pastry wrapped Brie.  If I accomplish any of those - you KNOW I am tasting this time.

I wish I could say I gained this weight from stuffing my face - at least I would feel remorseful and not be so resentful about having to lose it (maybe).  Nope.  I have Celiac disease to blame for it (and 8.5 months of steroids).

Oh well, such is life.... I am now the proud owner of a wardrobe that is essentially brand new, that I have been unable to fit into in almost 2 years!  YEAH ME!!! :-))