Why?

I am far from deeply religious and ANYONE who knows me knows this tidbit.  I do, however, believe that everything happens for a reason.  Everyone *happens* in our lives for a purpose.  I often question the purpose of some.  I have met many amazing people since moving to TN.  TN is so different than anywhere else I ever lived.  I grew up in NY and lived in FL for 8 years before moving here.  TN is a mix of Southern Charm and a major step back in time - pre-civil rights.  I swear I still flinch at the things that come out of peoples mouths in public places.

I have met people from ALL walks of life, all religious backgrounds and all races.  Having my own little melting pot, reminds me of home.

Just in the last month, several close friends and several new friends have been or have children who have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  Just two short years ago, when I was diagnosed, I had never so much as even heard of it.  A year later, my little girl was diagnosed, still knew NO ONE with the disease - or even a close understanding to what it is and how deadly it can be if not taken seriously.

I had attended a couple of support groups when I first moved here and decided they weren't so supportive... After two years, I formed my own.

As exhausting as all of this is - on top of living with very real, very current health issues, I am so very touched to be able to offer even the slightest bit of insight into what Celiac is and how to live a *normal* life with it.

For a long while now I have been feeling like I had no other purpose other than cooking, cleaning, taxiing, well, you get the picture.  Going back to work in a field completely foreign to what I spent my entire career doing, was unexpectedly rewarding!  This new chapter of educating and lending good ole' fashion moral support to those in need, even though it takes up more time than I have to spare, is by far the most rewarding feat I have accomplished (since giving birth to my children).

I often wonder why I am so drawn to helping others.  My husband always gets frustrated with me about how much I take on - and how I try to be *Mother Theresa* and solve world problems.  I have been thinking about this lately and the only thing I can come up with is that it gives me pure joy.  Knowing I helped someone in some minuscule way, without anything in return.. just makes me happy.

Nothing wrong with being happy!

Vacation time

Flashback to one year ago…..

While most people are filled with the overwhelming excitement and anticipation of going on vacation, I am filled with mostly dread.  The thought of how many weeks it will take for the gluten poisoning to leave my body is almost more than I can handle.  Last summer we spent a week in BFE - North Carolina.  We were an hour from civilization and a lifetime away from anything remotely healthy, let alone, gluten free.  While the scenery was beautiful and the excursions were fabulous and memorable - the entire trip was overshadowed with thoughts of *oh great, what am I am going to eat here and will I end up dying in pain from this meal too?!*.  There was a supermarket and I was able to purchase some gf items, but since we were out all day, every day (Dollywood, white water rafting, etc.), it was almost impossible to bring the cooler with us and it was not allowed in the water parks.  I ate almost nothing, and was miserably hungry for most of the 120 degree day - heat filled trip.  Heat plus hunger = bitch, by the way.  It was only made worse by the fact that our mountain house that we rented had no air conditioning.  It was not broken, there was NONE?!?!?!?  Who would have thought to ask – and it was the mountains – it never gets that hot.  We hit the mother-load of heat waves that summer… Lucky us!

We did hit one of the *fancier* steak houses in town, and I use the word *fancier*, loosely.  After explaining what gluten was (and no, it is not sugar you ignorant waiter) - I ordered a steak, baked potato and garden salad with no croutons and no dressing.  Of course, I already felt sick from four days of trying to eat gluten free in gluten filled mess halls (not really, but that was the ambiance of the restaurants).  A few nights later, I decided I needed more than just a Trio bar and a MIX-1 shake - and we had steak at the *fancy* place again.  This time, after tasting the steak, I called the waitress over and told her it was really salty and wanted to know what was on it (I had also given her the gluten lesson prior to ordering).  She proudly proclaimed it was the BEST MARINADE in town.... she rattled off the ingredients and of course, SOY SAUCE was #1.  I began to cry.  I did not eat dinner that night.  I did not even bother to try and scream and fuss at her for what she had done to me - and not listened to what I had told her... I was defeated and did not care to explain myself one more single time that week. Actually, at that point I just wanted to run home and hide away from the non-gluten free society I now had to try and fit into.

It took me almost 9 weeks to recover from that vacation.  The gluten poisoning fallout seemed endless.

Today….

THIS VACATION is going to be different.  We are travelling with dear friends, and my girlfriend and one of her 3 children just happen to be in the beginning stages of a GF/SF/CF lifestyle change.  I can’t say I am happy for them, but I am sure happy she has someone to help guide her through this!  We are staying in a metropolitan (and populated with humans and not deer and bear) area.  We are making sure ahead of time of all of our dining options and calling ahead to double check.  I am exhausted from the pre-planning, but I know it will make the trip so much more enjoyable!   

I have done MAJOR research and even purchased some digestive enzymes that are supposed to help with accidental cross contamination from eating out (http://www.enzymedica.com/products/GlutenEase). 

I plan on popping those babies before EVERY meal, and maybe in between.

We are heading to St. Louis (my most favorite get-a-way.   So close of a drive and so much to do!)  We have MAJOR fun planned.  I have scoured the internet and I think we have planned each activity around where we can get a decent gluten free meal!  Hey –you gotta do what you gotta do! ;-)

The best part of this experience will be that I am now 2 years post diagnosis, and armed with so much more than a Trio bar, MIX-1 shake, and fruit snacks.  I know that questions to ask, how to inform people without making them want to spit in my food behind the kitchen door and more importantly – how not to feel like the world will come to an end if I go away from my safe zone (a/k/a – my kitchen).  I know there is going to be some form of gluten poisoning… so I am prepared with all of my potions and pills now.  It won’t cure me – or prevent it, but I am hopeful that it will lessen the effects and allow me to enjoy my vacation thoroughly.

It has been a year since we have ventured away from home as a family (save an overnight trip for a dance competition that Gabby was in).  I am eternally optimistic that as new light is shed on not just Celiac Disease, but Gluten and other food Intolerance, that more and more restaurants and grocery stores will accommodate the millions who suffer. 

So, here is to St. Louis 2011 with the Sandlins!  May we have our first of many amazing, memory filled trips, with as few bathroom breaks as possible and no sore tummies!!!  

Digestive Enzymes and Probiotics

I honestly am having a moment.  I feel like no matter how freaking hard I try  - this Celiac Disease has one up on me :(

I have given in and now I am trying probiotics and Digestive Enzymes.  Anything remotely starchy makes my stomach swell and so does Gabby's.  I purchased the kid version of what I am taking, and she is fine with the digestive enzymes, as they dissolve in juice and make it effervescent.  She despises the chewable probiotics but likes the papaya enzymes chewable.  Looking for another version of the probiotics for her.  She is a trooper.  

I am in a seriously foul mood and despite being 100000% gluten free - feel like for every step I take, I fall back 6.  I had a pity party for myself today and thought horrible thoughts about the 10,000,000 doctors I have been treated by for over 3 decades - and not a one diagnosed this.  Stupid medical profession.

I am eternally optimistic tat I will get to the bottom of what will fix what ails me... I sure don't feel confident in the medical profession at this moment in time.

OK - pity party is over.

BREAD RECIPE SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided to make up my own recipe tonight... Why??? No idea.. I get in these moods..

It came out wildly successful and I am to the moon excited!

I call this Jill's Bread Recipe - Take 1.  I am sure there were previous recipes that I improvised... and there will be other recipes... I just happened to actually write this one down as I made it - so it get's the special label! :-)

It tastes as yummy as it looks!

I made rolls to go with it - since I made this a double batch...

Have not cut into those yet.. but I am sure they are equally delish!

Below is my recipe:

JILL’S BREAD RECIPE – Take 1

1 Cup Almond Flour

1 Cup Lima Bean Flour

1 Cup Expandex

¾ Cup Chickpea Flour

1 tbsp.  Xanthum Gum

1 ½ teaspoons salt

2 ¼ teaspoons dry active yeast

1 teaspoon roasted coriander (use any seasoning)

3 tbsps. Grapeseed oil (use olive, canola)

3 tbsps. Honey

1 ½ cups warm/hot water  (added an extra ¼ cup when putting wet ingredients together)

1 teaspoon sugar

Activate Yeast in separate glass measuring cup with the WATER and SUGAR.  Dissolve sugar in water and then mix in yeast.  While this is activating…

Mix ALL dry ingredients in a large bowl with a whisk – so it is all evenly distributed.

Lightly beat eggs, oils and honey and after about 10 of yeast proofing (you will see it double in volume and be foamy) add yeast into mixer with wet ingredients.  Slowly add dry ingredients and  mix on medium for about 5 minutes. 

I lined a loaf pan with parchment paper and spooned in the batter. 

I pre-heated the oven to 200 and then when it was set – I turned it off (I did this before the above steps).

I put the filled loaf pan in the OFF oven for 1 hour, to rise.  About 10 minutes prior to the hour – I took it out and heated the oven to 350.

I baked the bread for 1 hour (give or take a few minutes depending on the oven.  I covered it half way through with a tented piece of foil – so it did not get too dark!

I made a double batch and spooned the other half into muffin top tins.  I baked for about 30 minutes…

NOTE TO SELF:  MUST GREASE THE NON-STICK MUFFIN TOP TINS - Apparently, the non-stick does not apply to sticking :-P

My FEET hurt but the bellies are full!

I tried Almond flour (my homemade ground almonds... nothing more - but delicious all the same) and flax seed meal version of the One-Minute Bread from Glutenfree Poodle.   I added garlic and cajun seasoning and my kids BEGGED for grilled cheese on this for lunch!  Another successful venture... I could not get a picture - they tore into it before I had a chance...

I DID get a picture of the Chocolate Chip Almond Meal Cookies - no butter and no eggs.... they were amazing!  Gabby was so impressed she offered them up to the neighbors at our 4th of July fireworks... She was so pleased everyone liked them!  Not one person could believe they were flourless, butterless AND healthy!!

The Almond flour pancakes were a hit with hubby and daughter... little guy - eh - not so much... there was EXTRA syrup drowning going on.... 

Before all of this there was the Chocolate Velvet Torte Birthday cake.... OMG - it was like chocolate mousse - but in cake form..... it did not last long at alll!  

Let us not forget the rolls that are perfect for lunch sandwiches .... Yummm!

And last, but not least, the Almond Flour Rosemary/Garlic Crackers..... I think I am in love.... I now need a goat, chickens and a rosemary bush!

I am not a photographer or food stylist.... I throw things right into my trusty Tupperware (when it even lasts that long... but I love that my family has homemade wholesome goodies and they are enjoying them.

I have spent more hours in my kitchen this month than I have in - well - ever.  I always made homemade meals, fixed appetizers for BBQs, etc... this is a whole new level of Martha freaking Stewart for me... I am learning what I like, how to mix, blend and tweak recipes and mainly enjoying the smiles on the family's face... not to much protesting about no more gluten in the house.  I do, however, need a serious massage and some kind of stool that I can sit on in the kitchen - my FEET HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please Find My Sanity

I feel even more overwhelmed than I have in some time.  It might have to do with the fact that I am constantly preparing new recipes that are made from scratch and gluten free OR because my once sweet daughter is acting like a rebellious, hateful teenager at 8.  Not sure - but she is working on my last nerve.  I know parents are supposed to ooooww and ahhhh and gush about their kids all of the time - but that is SO FAKE.  We live in the real world in my house and it is not always a bed of roses.  My kids torture each other until I have to flip out.... my husband forgets to take the trash out or help around the house - unless I flip out... and then they all look at me and want to know why I am flipping out.  Well - UM - figure it out.

I know that once the kids are back in school, I can prepare my baking/cooking and work schedule around their activities and school hours.  It is just really hard to juggle things in the summer.  I just am tired of apologizing for cooking/baking fresh meals and having to work (I REALLY try and get it done on off hours) while they want to do something else.  

It does not help that my 8 year old has lost her flipping mind this summer and her behavior is wayyyy out of control.  We do not hit our children, but sometimes I wonder if one good whopping would not cure her of her smart mouth and shitty attitude... Probably not.  She is too stubborn.  

I do not enjoy this part of parenting.  The part where you do everything except breath for your children - and they act like you are the worst parent and never pay them attention...  I know it will only get worse as they get older - but wasn't I supposed to get a moment in time where she was sweet and cuddly and sincere?  My son has his moments, but he is the polar opposite of her.

I may go and look for a shred or two of my sanity in a nice bottle of Chardonnay this evening... 

p.s. - have I mentioned how exhausting being healthy and making (almost) everything from scratch, is? :-P

p.p.s - I lost 22 lbs.  Yeah me...

20 lbs. GONE!

I finally reached the 20lb. loss mark on this diet.  I am frustrated, excited, and so damn tired of it already.  I had a moment last night where my cravings for anything fattening or junky took over ... and instead of indulging it - I opened a bag of Salsa Brown Rice Chips and SMELLED the damn chips.  How pathetic is that?  I did not eat even one morsel.  I quickly closed the bag, grabbed some Tylenol for my headache and laid down with an icepack.  Pathetic.. I know.  I was down a pound and a half this morning, after a 6 day stall.  I am sure I do not have to tell you how frustrating it is to eat almost infantile portions of food for 6 days and not lose a flippin ounce!

I have a book club/going away party on Sunday at my house.  I plan on making lemon bars, chocolate covered coconut macaroons and possible pastry wrapped Brie.  If I accomplish any of those - you KNOW I am tasting this time.

I wish I could say I gained this weight from stuffing my face - at least I would feel remorseful and not be so resentful about having to lose it (maybe).  Nope.  I have Celiac disease to blame for it (and 8.5 months of steroids).

Oh well, such is life.... I am now the proud owner of a wardrobe that is essentially brand new, that I have been unable to fit into in almost 2 years!  YEAH ME!!! :-))

Was it a phase or was it Gluten?

There was a time where I was so utterly frustrated with my daughter's behavior and manic mood swings, I seriously believed she needed to be committed.  It seemed like nothing we did worked.  Disciplining her (time outs, putting her in her room, taking away privileges) was an effort in vein.  I had her examined by doctors and begged them to medicate her.  I am not one of those mommas that believes breast milk herbs and ignoring it will cure all - but I also do not like the idea of having to medicate my child.  I was desperate.  It seemed that her moods were worse than my most obnoxious pms days.  Something had to be done!

Right in the middle of dealing with this chaos - I got as sick as I had ever been.  Depressed, in pain, bed ridden, and a host of other undesirable G.I. problems that were terrifying me, I put her craziness aside for a moment and indulged myself in hell.  After about 5 solid months of suffering more than anyone should suffer in that short span of a time - let alone a lifetime - my husband insisted I get to a doctor who was going to figure this shit out.

A dear friend of mine suggested a gastro doctor she had met at temple.  I was hesitant, since the gastro I had used when I moved here clearly received her degree at SEARS.  Appointment was made, visit was had, testing was under way.  Fast forward to my biopsies and results.  CELIAC disease.  The minute the doctor called me - I knew this is what Gabby had.

After a full year of navigating my newly diagnosed disease (that I was born with and no one could properly diagnose), I had my daughter tested.  BINGO.  Another bittersweet diagnosis.  I knew something was not right with her - and this could be the culprit.

I am THRILLED to report that although my 8 year old Gabby still has her spunky - no one is more important than I am - attitude, her manic moments are GONE!  Not only was her health affected by undiagnosed Celiac, but her behavior was as well.  Going gluten free has not only helped her feel well.... it has made the crazy go away!  I no longer believe my child needs to be medicated.  I am no searching for a constructive way to deal with her *I am all grown up and know  everything* attitude!

I swear she will run the world one day - right now it is wearing me down!  ;-)

HCG Diet

I had to be put on steroids after being diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  My stomach lining was minutes away from tearing, it was membrane thin.  After taking them for 8 1/2 months, I resembled a Thanksgiving Day Float at the Macy's Parade.  Nothing seemed to help get the weight off.  I did not go overboard in the effort department - but the little I did, made no difference.  I did have my Gallbladder removed this April and lost 7 pounds - but I suspect that was from being in so much pain for 6 weeks prior to my surgery, I barely ate.

At the beginning of May I had seen two friends shedding pounds before my eyes.  I inquired - they shared.  Both of them were on the HGC Diet.  I researched it, read about it, thought about it, and decided I had nothing to lose - except maybe 25 lbs.  I promptly made an appointment with the doctor both of my friends use and anxiously awaited my appointment.  She went over my medical history, discussed the diet and before I knew it, I had a prescription for the nasal spray that would send me off into weight loss bliss.

First two days of diet are gorging (loading) days.  Eat everything fattening and gross that you normally would never eat in a month, let alone in two days, should be consumed.  Being that I have Celiac - fast food joints (other than Chik-Fil-A) are off limits.  I ate every gluten free goody in my house that I could find.  My daughter looked at me and horrifyingly asked why I was eating the entire pack of cookies with a bologna sandwich for breakfast.  I told her I was on a diet - I am pretty sure her response was - "uh uh - you're gonna get super fat if you eat like that!".

This diet is SUPER restrictive, but (being my anal retentive self) I planned ahead and prepared all of my protein portion sizes for the entire week, in advance.  The first two days of the 500 calorie portion of this diet sucked.  I was hungry, tired, and had a perpetual headache.  Day three was different.  I was all revved up and ready to go!  No headache - no hunger and 4 lbs. gone!  This is a 40 day plan and 6 weeks of maintenance.  The closer I get to my goal weight - the slower the weight comes off.  I am down 18.2 pounds as of today (24 days in).  Yesterday's loss was only .2 lbs., but it was a loss nonetheless.  

Aside from the glorious weight loss, this diet has taught me that my body prefers not to have processed food.  I have felt better than I have in years.  I can't wait for the maintenance phase, so I can start to enjoy my recently discovered recipes and a stomach ache free existence!  (I also discovered every flavor of Stevia - I am a fan for life!!)

Chocolate Dipped Coconut Macaroons!

I think I am in heaven.  Can't taste them yet - but they do look delicious.  Counting the hours until I get the remainder of this 25 lb. off (almost there) and then I can sample some of these goodies.

I am not going to apologize for the super plain un-styled food photos - Heck, I am even lucky to get a photo before all of my new goodies are gone!  I used the recipe on the back of the Baker's brand coconut for this!

Peppermint Patty Pieces - Success!

Used Elana's Pantry Recipe for Peppermint Patties.  Somehow, my round scooped balls would not flatten, and when I flattened... they shmushed!  I dipped the different pieces in the melted chocolate and cooled in freezer.

Eureka! We have Peppermint Patty Pieces!  My three taste testers approved!  Now... waiting for coconut macaroons to finish baking and cooling so we can dip those!  (stuck in house today waiting for A/C man to come and fix our 2nd A/C unit to stop working in a week... needed to occupy the children for a while!)

YEAST BREAD SUCCES!!!

So I dove head first into the world of baking... but conquering a bread recipe that my, I hate the taste of all things gluten free, son, was going to be a huge feat.

I got some yeast and scoured the internet for a decent looking bread recipe.  Let's face it - how in the world would I know it was decent?  Any GF *bread* I have made was texturally equivalent to a banana bread and more cake like than bread.  

Armed with my new secret weapons (yeast and Expandex), I called my girlfriend Stephanie over (mainly for moral support and tasting) and got to work.  I broke out my newest family addition - my Kitchenaid Mixer - and I got to activating the yeast.  I was completely intimidated by the recipe - which really only called for 4 ingredients!  I was the same scared as I was when I had to take my first born home from the hospital - thoughts of *am I going to screw this up* flooded my head!  It's bread people - what is my problem>?? Mixing finished, check - rising in the pan finished, check.  Baking directions said 45-55 minutes.  I took it out at 45 minutes after toothpick (well - it was a chopstick) checking.  Now was the tasting part.  Since I am on this flipping diet still - no tasting for me.  Steph tasted and liked!  It was a bit moist - and we both decided I should have left it in the oven for the additional 10 minutes.

Fast forward to this morning.  Jaxson was completely weary about tasting the bread - but after a little bribing with toasting it and slathering it with butter, he was on board!  HALLELUJAH!! He asked for a second piece and told me it was the BEST bread he had ever tasted!!!!!!!!!!!  I am 10 more minutes in the over closer to completely going GF in this house!!!  Next Gabby woke up and Dave strolled into the kitchen.  I toasted each of them a piece and buttered.  I had two more fans!

Best part is - it was stretchy like a great yeast roll or french type bread at a restaurant!  It was crispy on the outside and a wonderful texture (which will be even better with 10 more baking minutes).  I am DROOLING OVER HERE!  The smell is divine.

My next quest - conquering same bread recipe in my cast iron loaf pan!

I got this gluten free baking in the bag!  Watch out world - I am on fire!

Bread #2 - MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm

I need some chickens!

All of this great homemade baking has got me thinking.... I need some chickens.  Organic brown cage-free eggs are pricey!  Wonder what my homeowners association would think about that?!  I also need a goat.  I love goat cheese!  While  I am at it - I think I will plant a money tree ;-)... A girl can dream!

Is it Celiac? Does it matter? How can I afford this?

Yes it matters if it is or is not, but you do not need a reason to go gluten free.

Celiac disease is an autoimmune disease and if left untreated (or undiagnosed), causes many other autoimmune diseases, malabsorption of vital nutrients and destroys your body from the inside out.  There is no end to the damage it can cause, both physically and mentally.  You are also in a ridiculously hiring risk category for all types of intestinal and colorectal Cancers.  Think about it - your stomach lining is being destroyed - and then the rouge cells regenerate into new rouge cells and that is your exact equation for Cancer.  Finding out is not easy - the average diagnosis takes 12-17 years to obtain.  Mine took 35.  I like to consider myself special!

So what if you *think* you have it - or at least have every symptom known to man and your doctors can't pinpoint what is wrong with you - other than to tell you they don't know.  Get an endoscopy - forget the blood tests.  They are 85% inaccurate - I know - my initial blood-work came back fine!

If you have any suspicions at all - go completely gluten free.  Please educate yourself or fine a mentor who can explain the ins and outs of where and what gluten is.  Try it for 2 months.  I bet your life will change.

I have been diagnosed with multiple autoimmune diseases, have had many surgeries and have quietly suffered for too many years.  Much of the damage that my undiagnosed Celiac has caused me, internally, is irreversible.  I am at peace with that - after much boohooing.  My goal now is to salvage and keep healthy, what healthy parts I have left.  ;-)

Being gluten free is not some fad diet.  For many of us - it is not even a choice - but a basic life necessity. 

I try each and every day to model healthy eating choices for my family and a positive attitude toward this awful and intrusive disease I was born with.  Even though some days I am totally exhausted from preparing everything fresh and doing a load of dishes 2 or 3 times... I know I am making a positive impact on my children.  My daughter's gf transition was much easier than mine.  She was excited to have me for a gf buddy!

Tell yourself each and every day - I am worth it.  I am worth each and every sacrifice I will have to make to go gluten free.  I am worth all of the research, dedication and perseverance it will take to not *fall off the wagon*.  Medical science is not the only cure all in this world, for some things.  Sometimes overcoming yourself, which can be your worst obstacle, is the hardest thing to do.

This can be done in an inexpensive manner - with as much of an initial investment as you want up front (purchasing equipment to help with baking and blending, etc.), or as little.  This can also break the bank.  It is what you make of it.  I know I rearranged many of the little things... in order to make this work for me and my family.  I also know many of you are intimidated by finances - and this is a real concern.  I am sure, with some planning ahead and co-oping, you can make this work.  Place orders with your friends for bulk items that won't go bad.  Scour the internet for the best deals, coupons, and shipping rates!  Ask for help on HOW DO I DO THIS.  There will always be someone (me!!) willing to lend some free helpful cost saving advice!  Surround yourself with people who will be respectful of your lifestyle.  Pack your own meal if you want to go somewhere and there is no gluten free menu, but you do not want to miss that special event!!  Get creative... Be inspired.. You are worth it!

Live your healthiest life now - you only get one chance!  XOX

Chocolate Cheesecake Pudding Cake, GF Homemade Margarita Pizza

http://www.elanaspantry.com/easy-black-and-white-cake/
(I adapted this recipe to add cheesecake instant pudding mix - you can add whatever flavor you like.  I also added Almond milk and greek yogurt for moisture.)
 

Preview

http://www.thealmondflower.com/2011/05/vegetarian-pizza-best-yet.html

Cheese-Its

http://www.kalynskitchen.com/2009/09/recipe-for-cheese-crackers-with-almond.html

Cheesy Bread

http://www.elanaspantry.com/simple-bread/
(I added cheddar cheese and greek yogurt)

One-Minute Bread

 glutenfreepoodle: One Minute bread
 

Missed Diagnosis

Thirty-five years and not a single doctor could put their finger on it.  One too many surgeries to count, two too many symptoms, one hundred too many diagnoses - I never heard the words Celiac.

After years of suffering and getting nowhere - except another prescription or another *ologist*.... I took matters into my own hands.  I became a webologist.  I know - the WORST place to go when you feel like you are dying - the internet!  I had no choice.  There had to be a logical explanation why someone my age, in good shape and following a healthy lifestyle, could be this damn sick all the time.

After a 5 month period of suffering and the beginning of what I thought was *the end* of my time here on Earth, I was recommended to a fabulous G.I. doctor and made an appointment.  I calmly sat down and made a time line of what I had been through, diagnosed with and had surgically removed.  I brought it to my appointment and handed it to the doctor.  Shortly after turning over my medical diary to the doctor I had met 2 minutes prior, I promptly informed him of what I thought my diagnosis was.  I then broke down sobbing.  A blithering idiot of mass proportions.  Hell - I thought I was dying - what was a little sobbing at that point?!  I also advised the doctor not to give me any pills or creams - just answers.  He politely chuckled and proceeded to schedule me for every test known to man.  He assured me he would eliminate everything until he found what was wrong - or until he could find nothing at all.  Although I had already felt like I lost my mind, I was sure he was going to find something.  I thought it was a toss up between colon cancer or Celiac disease.  Hey - it had been a rough few months... like I said, I thought I was dying.  Little did I know - I was.

After what seemed like 50 plus tests, I went in for an upper and lower G.I. series.  First result - NO CANCER!  AMEN!  Second result - severe villous atrophy (SVA) consistent with Celiac Sprue (and a whole mess of other medical terminology).  SHIT.  At least I had my answer - finally.

After several hours of deciding whether or not to hunt down every last doctor who told me I was over-reacting, or gave me some pills, or didn't listen when I told them something had to be causing all of this crap I was going through... I got good and angry.  I screamed, I cried, I had a pity party - I panicked.  Everything I ever knew - was about to change.  

I immediately began gluten free living.  I spent 3-4 (anxiety filled) hours (each trip) in the grocery store - for at least the first 3 months of this journey.  I read labels, called 800 numbers and researched the hell out of websites on my iPhone.  I joined a *support* group in my town (by the way - TN is probably in the top 10 worst places to have to live with this disease) and it was a joke.  I was defeated.  I trudged on... I researched my disease, educated myself on gluten, hidden gluten, and and pretty much read everything and anything I could - until my eyes crossed and I had a safe handle on how to live gluten free.  I also conquered grocery store and gluten free shopping!  That was a MAJOR accomplishment!

One year later, at my daughter's school physical, I discussed my concerns with her pediatrician about my disease being genetic and my observances of red flags with her.  I was told to go gluten free with her - or have her tested.  I had her tested.  Much to my expectations, she had Celiac disease.  My only consolation was that she found out at 7 and not 35 (like me).  She now walks this journey with me.  I can remember the 4th day of her being gluten free.  Gabby: "Mommy, my tummy doesn't hurt when I eat anymore".  Me: "Why didn't you tell me it ever did hurt"?  Gabby: "Because I didn't know it wasn't supposed to feel that way..."  :(  What a bittersweet moment to learn that your daughter will now (hopefully) feel healthy and pain free... and realizing just how much she had been suffering.   

So here we both are, two years later for me and one year later for her.  I gained 25 pounds from the 8.5 months of precious steroids I took to repair my stomach lining.  I am in the middle of a diet to get rid of that unwanted weight (which is stubborn as hell and did not want to come off).  I am winning my battle and have lost almost 18 of the 25 lbs.!  Yeah ME!  In doing this diet, I am eating only whole foods.  Nothing processed, nothing manufactured, nothing that bothers me.  I have now realized that I feel better than I have (even with the restricted amount of food I am eating) in as long as I can remember.  WOW!  REVELATION - I now need to eliminate processed foods - my body does not like or tolerate it at all!!

So here I begin the second part of this crazy gluten free journey.  I have equipped my kitchen with the most user friendly and resourceful gadgets and have feverishly been baking, creating and concocting!  What an exciting time.  I feel so empowered and revitalized!  I just need to finish this crazy diet so I can finally taste something I had made!

If I can help one person get started on this overwhelming and terrifying journey - it will be worth all of the stress and trauma I endured, trying to figure this out on my own.